Finally Taiwan

Finally over

2007-07-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

Finally Taiwan is finally over. I'm back in Montreal until August 8, at which point my one-way ticket will take me to Lyon. I do miss Taiwan, in some small way, but I haven't thought about it too much since I left. I guess the circumstances that surrounded my departure for South East Asia weren't what you would call "everything going for you". But I can't blame it all on that. I didn't go about it the right way and I know that now.

I should have looked for a job in Taipei within 2 months of my arrival. Living in a major city is more my pace and I probably would not have felt so alienated living in a post-communist pre-apocalyptic cement city. I also should have taken more time to work on my final dissertation for my degree. Instead, I wanted to finish so quickly that I ended up not enjoying the country one bit. I could have traveled and seen more of Asia. As I've said before, I might go back. And if I do, I will know how to go about it.

Should I go back, I will take Chinese lessons right at the beginning. That way, I will be in closer contact with the people and the culture. Living in Taipei would also give me access to a broader ex-pat community. I wouldn't have to put up with ex-pat freaks suddenly going on irrational rants about me on their blogs (don't ask, it's not worth saying more). I would know exactly which area of the city to live in and I also know of a few cool hang outs. And best of all, I could walk as they have sidewalks and a subway system, therefore, I wouldn't need a scooter!

But for now, I've no plans for going back. I'm going to Lyon to be with François and see where the relationship takes me and how it develops. My plan is to finish my degree and then see what comes next. Lyon is a beautiful city and there's a lot I want to do. There's a place called La luttine, a small community facility allowing us to do workshops. So I want to get involved there. I also want to take a German class so I can become more fluent. Finding work will be hard but I'll manage.

So I guess this is goodbye to all of you Finally Taiwan fans and detractors. My blog wasn't so much an online journal as it was an open window into what I was experiencing while there. They were my thoughts and feelings about my own experience. I'm not going to blog on my experience in Lyon as I wouldn't see the point. Lyon is interesting but not enough to put online. So until I go back, I bid you all farewell.

Ready to go...

2007-06-02T06:44:00.000+08:00

Although my flight to Montreal will be much shorter than the 32 hours it took for coming here, it is still a long journey. I left Wu chi on Friday afternoon to go to the airport because François' flight was leaving early that evening. I spent the night in a Hotel in Taoyuan where Taipei airport is located. Taoyuan appeared to be a much prettier city than the other ones I've seen in Taiwan. I slept little as I wasn't completely confident that the desk clerk had registered that I wanted a wake-up call and a taxi for 5a.m. So I spent most of the night watching C.S.I. There's a channel here that seems to be rerunning non-stop episodes of that unbelievably laughable cop show.

Now I'm waiting in an airport lounge stuck between bored passengers waiting for their flight. I feel strange but ready to take on the 20 hour flight home. I can't wait to be home and hug my little boubou... He doesn't know I'm coming home. I hope it'll be a good surprise.

Going home... Do I have a home?

2007-05-27T14:05:00.000+08:00

Big question. For the longest time I felt like I belonged nowhere. Although I spent most of my life in Montreal and own an apartment there, I haven't a home to really speak of. Milan is going to spend the next school year in Louisiana, which will be a good experience for him. So what is there for me in Montreal? A few excellent friends and the surroundings that I am accustomed to. Is that enough to draw me back there? I don't know.

So why am I leaving Taiwan?

I am leaving Taiwan because I am exhausted. Working six days a week is something I am no longer willing to do. I need to finish writing my dissertation in order to graduate and officially become a Master (haha). I want to concentrate as much efforts in doing that as possible. I can't do it here when I work so much. Well actually I can and I have. But I nearly lost my mind doing it.

Also, living here hasn't been that interesting. Imagine living behind Boul. Des Laurentides in Chomedey. I have to ride my scooter at least 40 minutes at high speed to get anywhere interesting. When I have only one day off a week, I want to make the most of it, but I'm so tired that sometimes the idea of riding a scooter makes me ill. So I crawl on the couch and watch a movie or read a book.

Another reason is that I haven't made that many friends. The expat community in the area hasn't been welcoming because of my sexual politics. I seem to have offended a few important members that have great influence over the others. Since then, I don't seem to be welcome in their circle. Being excluded from that circle means it becomes virtually impossible to make contact and to find solace in friendships. Making friends with Taiwanese people is also something close to impossible. You can make distant acquaintances but you will always remain an outsider. You will never become close to them and be accepted as one of their own.

Living in the distant suburb of a major city has its share of narrow mindedness too. After being here more than 7 months, people still look at me like I come from outterspace. Just 20 minutes before writing this, my neighbor stared at me as if he'd never seen me before. It gets tiring because this is a very small town and they know who I am and where I work. I am the only foreigner living in this town. So aren't they tired of staring yet? Apparently not.

I might come back to work in Taiwan. But when and if I ever do, it will be in Taipei city. I would be more comfortable in a major city used to seeing foreigners and where the expat community is not limited to 5 people. I would also take Chinese lessons in order to communicate and understand the culture better. I wanted to do it before but I spent so much time working on my rejected dissertation that when it came time to do it, I lacked the motivation.

I also might go to Europe to teach. I always wanted to live in Europe and finding a job in Poland would not be difficult.

I am looking forward to seeing Milan and spending time with him before he leaves for the U.S.A. I'm also looking forward to eating the FOOD I love and have missed here.

So those of you in Montreal that read my blog, I guess I'll see you soon...

In a manner of speaking

2007-05-09T21:51:00.000+08:00

Lyrics are inspiring and so often reflect how we feel. These are for Lily...

In a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing
In a manner of speaking
I don’t understand
How love in silence becomes reprimand
But the way I feel about you
Is beyond words

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won’t do
In this life that we live
We only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrificed

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words

L'entrevue... la suite

2007-04-29T19:18:00.000+08:00

Tel que prévu, la semaine dernière j'ai pris samedi de congé et je me suis rendu à Taipei pour mon entrevue. Le type du magazine m'avait donné des directions approximatives, sans jamais me donner l'adresse. Heureusement, je venais de faire activer mon portable. Donc, je lui passe un coup de fil et il se propose de venir à ma rencontre.

J'attends sur le coin de la rue, tout habillé de brun, et voilà que se pointe un petit bonhomme qui redéfinit le terme "nerd". Dans les années 1990, le style "geek" ou "nerd" est devenu tendance. C'était cool d'être nerd, ou du moins en avoir l'air. On se rappellera longtemps du cool Kramer de la série Seinfeld. Mais dans le cas discuté ici, je doute qu'il n'influence quoi que ce soit ou qu'il n'ait pris son influence ailleurs que chez sa maman qui doit encore l'habiller le matin. Le pauvre petit avait environ 27 ans, les dents jaunes effroyablement croches, des lunettes vitrines anti-balles, un jeans porté sous les mamelons avec une veste forterelle marine qui ferait l'envie des poubelles. Soudainement, ma tenue brune m'a semblé d'une élégance dernier cri.

Mal assortis que nous étions, nous sommes montés dans les bureaux du magazine. La porte de l'ascenseur ouvre et voilà. Première impression: je comprends maintenant la platitude des articles publiés parce que j'imagine très mal avoir de l'inspiration dans un environnement aussi aseptisé. C'est exactement comme chez-moi à Wu chi: carrelage blanc tacheté de petites fleurs abstraito-quétaines pastelles, murs blancs, cubicules beige, éclairage au néon. Yummy.

Il m'installe dans une salle de conférence non moins inspirante et me donne des formulaires à remplir. Parmi ces formulaires se trouve un petit examen pour éditeur potentiel et une feuille blanche sur laquelle je dois donner un exemple de mes talents de conteur. Le petit examen mentionne de ne pas tenir compte des espaces. Alors je note les fautes en faisant fi des espaces. Je raconte ensuite ma salade et environ 30 minutes plus tard, le petit bonhomme vient me retrouver. Il me donne une pile de magazines à lire pour me familiariser avec leur contenu pendant qu'il examine ma paperasse. Ma lecture qui dure environ 10 minutes me permet de noter des erreurs grammaticales et de syntaxe.

La première question qu'il me pose est si j'ai un autre diplôme universitaire que ceux nommés sur mon CV. Je lui que non et il me dit: "is stwange, because youwe age". Je lui explique que ce n'est pas inhabituel en occident de faire des études et de réorienter sa carrière passé les 30 ans. Mais il me regarde de manière confuse et incrédule. Dès ce moment, je sais qu'il ne m'offrira pas le poste. Ensuite, il me souligne que dans le poste pour lequel je suis en entrevue, il y aussi un travail de correcteur qui est implicite et il m'indique que j'ai laissé passé une erreur d'espace... Je lui réponds qu'en haut du document il y a une note qui stipule de ne pas tenir compte des espaces. Comme seule réponse, il me fait un sourire jaune sale... Ensuite, il me questionne sur mes études de maîtrise. Je lui explique (un gros mensonge) que je fais des recherches sur les représentations de la masculinté dans les magazines lifestyles (c'était, après tout, mon premier sujet de recherche). Il me regarde d'un air inquisiteur: "lifestyle?" Ben oui, je réponds, genre GQ et Details. Alors là il me fait un sourire plus que jaune orange avec les yeux qui roulent presque qu'à l'envers et il me dit que ce ne sont pas des magazines lifestyle mais fashion. Ce à quoi je réponds:" ". Pour finir sa quête de trouver l'erreur chez le canadien, il me demande alors dans quelle catégorie sont les magazines que sa compagnie publie. Je réponds "des magazines à vocation pédagogique", en tentant de ne pas paraître trop excédé par son attitude. Ses yeux baissent et avec un souffle rien de moins que condescendant, il me dit: "actually, they are learning magazines..." J'ai fais un effort surhumain pour ne pas m'écrouler de rire.

Nous discutons un peu plus et à la fin, il me demande si j'ai des questions. Je lui demande le nombre d'éditeur qu'il y a à son emploi et des questions techniques de ce genre. Ensuite, je lui demande les conditions de travail, et dès ce moment, je sais que je ne veux pas de cet emploi. En fait, ils offrent le même salaire que je fais en ce moment, seulement, je dois travailler plus d'heures... Donc, pas la peine. Je travaille présentement 32h semaine et là, ils exigent du 9 à 6, avec une heure de repas non payé. Ça fait 45h de bureau alors que j'en fais à peine 32. Ça m'a fait rire.

J'ai passé le reste de l'après-midi à me balader dans Da An, le quartier de Taipei que j'aime bien. J'ai repris le bus pour Taichung en début de soirée et j'ai lu presque tout le retour. Mercredi dernier, je reçois un courriel du petit bonhomme au défi esthétique qui disait: "we decide to hire other person". J'ai pas osé lui répondre que même son courriel contenait des fautes...

Alors pour l'instant, je demeure où je suis, dans mon Wu chi perdu. Dans quelques semaines François arrive et on verra si je déménage ou non à Taipei ou Taichung.

YAAAAAaaaay!!!

2007-04-12T11:38:00.000+08:00

Wonderful news!

I applied for an Editor position in Taipei and I have an interview! This is wonderful news! As much as I like teaching and I enjoy the children, I would much rather be an editor. Playing with words and stories is my calling. This is an awesome opportunity and I sincerely hope I'll get it.

It's a great combination of things. They publish magazines destined to teenagers which is my favorite age bracket as I relate very well to them. Secondly, it's in Taipei and the city boy in me is screaming for urbanity. And thirdly, the offices are located in the Da An district and that is exactly where I was going to move. It's a nice cozy little area with pretty streets and funky restaurants. This couldn't come at a better time.

Of course, there is the possibility that I will not get the position. And that is why I am calling on all of you to bow before the stars so that their alignment charm the powers that be to honor me with this opportunity. OK, I might have overdone it in this last sentence. But hay, one can't be too cautious.

Keep your fingers crossed and it'll do just fine.

Canadian expat in Taiwan diagnosed with severe case of cabinus feveritis

2007-04-08T16:44:00.000+08:00

Taiwan AFP - An English teacher in Taichung County has been diagnosed with a rare form of cabinus feveritis by a local expert and authority. It took some time to identify the disease as the young man suffering from extreme anxiety due to solitary confinement between white walls and white tiled floors was known by his co-workers as being "a solitary man". "There was little change in his behavior" colleagues said "as he usually kept to himself and drank his weekly portion of grapefruit tea, which was part of his habit".

The expert treating the patient, Dr. Chen Cheng Lu Yi Er Ching Yang Ding Wong Dang Doo jr., said that in this rare form of the disease, it is sometimes seen appropriate to seek treatment by going back home. But this case is different as the subject also shows very severe stubbornness. It was reported by some paparazzi chasing foreigners - though it has yet to be confirmed - that the young man was some kind of freak when it came to finishing what he had started.

In a much publicized press conference attended by at least one AFP reporter, Dr. Chen Cheng Lu Yi Er Ching Yang Ding Wong Dang Doo jr. (or Dr. CCLYECYDWDD jr. for short) said that recovery should come with spring time as the weather will improve his morale. He also suggested to the patient to order poutine ingredients via his friends as a way to improve his expat blues. Though unknown to most societies on this planet, the miracle dish is known for its mood improving proprieties and its many virtues as a fat creeper. How it works exactly is an enigma that is far from being solved and has left most researchers in a state of complete dismay.

The patient refused interviews and hasn't replied to messages taped on his scooter. He relayed a message through Dr. Chen Cheng Lu Yi Er Ching Yang Ding Wong Dang Doo jr. that said "câlice que cé plate icitte!". Translation experts are still working on the coded message and the language used has yet to be determined.

Cravings...

2007-03-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

I've been here over 4 months now. Everything is going pretty much the way I imagined it. I'm working hard on my Msc and exploring around. But after being here for a few months, I have unbelievable cravings.

Right now I would kill - I really would - for any of those:

It is very hard to find lettuce in this country...

I don't have an oven. Most people don't because they don't cook. They buy their meals from roadside carts.

Hummm...pesto (must be murmured with a Homer donut voice)...

El Zaziummmm....

Maaamm Bolduc....

Right now, I would totally have a homemade burger!

I still have wonderful dreams about the pink grapefruit granita I had in Krakow.

My feminine side definitely says that chocolate is as good as sex. Especially right now since I'm not getting any... of either!

Artsy pics

2007-03-06T13:18:00.000+08:00

Once in a blue moon, in the midst of thousands of pictures that I take, there are a few good ones.

Little red girl in Taipei café shop

2007-03-05T23:48:00.000+08:00

3 days of Taipei

2007-03-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

Here you go. Some pics of the capital. Enjoy

Lost in misspelling and other syntax issues

2007-03-01T11:40:00.000+08:00

For those of you who know me well, you know that language is at the centre of my life. Whether it be to deconstruct it, slap it around a few times or to correct my son when he speaks Frenglish. I love semiotics, ancient rhetoric, take baths with my many dictionaries in order to relax and I've been known to quote Barthes out of the blues, just because it's fun.

So when I go on a trip, I love to note the little mishaps that the French or English languages are submitted to. Thanks to American cultural imperialism, the English language has been adopted by many countries as the best thing to exploit commercially, culturally, economically and in many other spheres of society. Taiwan is no exception.

Here are a few funny accidents. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
The new creation of shaking style...
That one isn't really a linguistic accident. It's just funny.
I wonder what's inside? A supervisor maybe?
I have no idea what this is about. It was in the lobby of my hotel in Taipei.
This is one of my favorite. Either Big Brother is really hiding in the kitchen or someone has been listening to the Eagles too much...
That one is for my boubou...
I love this one! It's hilarious!
I wonder if the bag in question answers your mobile, takes messages and remembers how you enjoy your first coffee of the morning?
I can be happy for iced tea. But I'd rather that the iced tea be happy for me.
I had a yoga class in university and the instructor was an extremely tanned middle aged woman wearing heavy gold and wearing, well, tight yoga gears. She would always use me to exemplify the positions, saying I had them perfectly, all the while feeling me all over, grabbing my butt, my thighs and my abs, in front of the whole class. All watched in bewilderment. True story. Maybe she's part of the Taipei biennial. Maybe that's what dirty yoga is...
No comment.
Sometimes, when pictures are clear, the message is still blurry.
Things can seem backward for a Westerner. But this is going a little far, wouldn't you say?
What?
And God created meals...
Oxymoron?

Yummy

Temple Confucéen et Mausolée des martyrs

2007-02-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

Pix of Taichung

2007-02-20T21:27:00.000+08:00

All of youz who've been bitchin' about the lack of pics on my unbelievably witty blog, well, here they are!

These pics are of Taichung Park, commercial street and silly English wording. I'm going to Taipei next morrow, so you'll have more

National Taiwan Museum of Fine Arts and surroundings

2007-02-19T12:01:00.000+08:00

So they often have these funny names. Taiwan has fallen under the Cultural Imperialist wave of the USA (to which I actively participate by teaching North American English)and they like to give English names to their businesses. That's how you get Occasional Cake for the name of a bakery. I wonder how often they get chocolate...

Going around the museum area, I discovered an avenue with many restaurants. The name of the museum is problematic for me: National Taiwan Museum of Fine Arts, shouldn't it be Taiwan National Museum of Fine Arts? It's the museum that's national, not Taiwan. Taiwan is already a nation, or is it?

The architecture in Taiwan is not very interesting. The houses all look the same, they look like bunkers. But I was pleasantly surprised to discover the area around the museum. They have some pretty funky designs. Here are a few.

This a view of the museum. It was described by one guide as being an ugly building. I think it's quite nice.

Another side of the museum. Once again, rather nice I think.

For those of you who know my love of ice scream (like those who were in Poland with me and forced to make detours several times a day so I could get my fill of pink grapefruit ice cream), this is where I could get ice cream around the museum. Unfortunately, like the rest of the food here, it wasn't very good.

eerrrr, if you want a coffee...

This is where I had fluorescent green tasteless pesto pasta... I was sitting by the window and a cute little kitty came and I thought it was so cute and small and then it pooped right there in front of me and my fluo pasta.
This is Pumpkin House a taste of New Orleans.
I have serious questions about that one. I fail to see the connection between New Orleans and pumpkins. I shall ask my ex-wife because she lives there. Maybe she can enlighten me.

A few jokes come to mind with a name like Walnut's Castle.

This is Spa Moments Concept Salon. I am speechless.

They also have some French thing going... here are a few. This is Papillon.
La Bretagne
Fleur de Sel
Le Jardin de Giverny

More of whatever restaurants...

Surveiller et punir les Taiwanais

2007-01-14T18:18:00.000+08:00

Avec ce que Michel Foucault nous a énoncé dans son ouvrage Surveiller et punir, il est difficile de ne pas voir l’auto surveillance et l’auto police qui sévit dans nos sociétés industrialisées. Taiwan, dernière province Chinoise retranchée de la mère patrie, province rebelle menacée d’être un jour ramenée dans les rangs, exerce sur elle-même un pouvoir de contrôle et de restriction donné à voir au grand jour. Il ne serait pas difficile de prendre l’île comme laboratoire et montrer comment son fonctionnement est similaire à celui du panopticon de Jérémy Bentham repris par Foucault.

Le principe du panopticon – pour les néophytes – est simple. Il s’agit d’un modèle de prison où les prisonniers ne sont pas enfermés à l’abri du regard et le gardien visible par les détenus, mais bien l’inverse. Le modèle architectural propose une tour de surveillance au centre avec les cellules des détenus qui l’entourent. Le gardien demeure invisible en tout temps, alors que les prisonniers, enfermés dans des cellules sans véritables parois qui dissimuleraient leurs faits et gestes, sont toujours à la vue du gardien. Mais le gardien est-il vraiment dans la tour ? Y a-t-il véritablement un gardien qui surveille ? N’ayant aucun moyen de vérifier, les prisonniers opèrent sur eux-mêmes une auto surveillance afin de ne pas s’exposer à des sanctions. Avec le temps, la principe d’auto surveillance est complètement intégré par le prisonnier qui n’imagine pas faire autrement.

La société Taiwanaise fonctionne sensiblement de la même façon. Une des valeurs de base de la société est de se conformer, voire d’être assimilé par les identités culturelles, sociales, politiques, sexuelles etc. En aucun cas il ne faut être différent. Ainsi, le port de l’uniforme est valorisé. On les retrouve dans toutes les sphères sociales et économiques, autant à l’école qu’à la banque, au supermarché et dans les bureaux. Il n’est pas rare de voir des écoliers porter l’uniforme en dehors des heures de classe, soit en soirée ou même le dimanche. Ces uniformes qui sont paradés avec fierté apportent le problème de la différenciation. Il faut pouvoir identifier la personne. Pour se faire, chaque écolier a son numéro de matricule sur le devant de sa veste et de sa chemise. Les employés de bureaux portent autour de leurs cous leurs cartes d’identités.

Les maisons sont construites en hauteur, sur plusieurs planchers. Au rez-de-chaussée, on retrouve de grandes portes vitrées. Les gens aménagent généralement le salon dans cet espace et très souvent ne mettent pas de rideau. Il est alors facile d’observer chacun de leur mouvement. Ces maisons font aussi preuve d’un manque total d’insonorisation. Toute parole prononcée un peu à voix un peu élevée est facilement entendue par les voisins.

Tout ça me laisse quelque peu perplexe. À l’école où je travaille, on me fait souvent des remarques parce que je suis différent. Mes vêtements sont différents : je porte des gaminets plutôt que des chemises, je suis végétarien (ou presque), je ne bois pas de café ou d’alcool (ou presque), j’ai accroché un sapin de noël sur mon scooter, etc. Je crois que mon travail est tout de même apprécié mais je sens que toutes ces choses sont acceptées parce que je suis un étranger, de l’Amérique, heureusement. Si j’étais de l’Afrique du Sud comme plusieurs de mes collègues, les choses seraient peut-être différentes. Mais je viens de la terre de l’économie rentable, de l’économie riche où les profits sont démesurés. Il n’y a pas, dans l’esprit Taiwanais, d’Eldorado autre que l’Amérique. C’est le nec plus ultra de la réussite économique. Rien ne compte plus aux yeux de la société Taiwanaise que de faire de l’argent.

Heureusement, je suis ici pour en faire, alors aussi bien me conformer…

Euh… non. Aussi bien en profiter serait plus juste.

My first

2006-12-27T09:49:00.000+08:00

I had my first earthquake last night! It felt pretty strange. I was sitting in a classroom with a student, giving her an oral test and I was leaning against the wall and asking her questions. I suddenly felt the wall move. I looked at the wall and saw the telephone cord move intensely. I told the girl to go under the table while I went into the hallway to see what was going on. I went to the next classroom and the Chinese teacher said it was no big deal and went on with her class. I went back to my classroom and finished the test. I then started another test with a another student when it hit. It was strong. I heard loud voices in the hallways so I told the boy to fetch his backpack and leave the building.

We waited for the children's parents in an empty field close to the school. In Taiwan, it is safer to go outside than to stay indoors. The buildings are not quake resistant. One of the Chinese teacher was upset and a few students shaken but nothing too dramatic. It was reported to be a 6.4 by Taiwanese officials but a 7.1 by the US Geological Survey. One aftershock was said to be a 7.0. It happened in the southwest of the island and Taichung is located in the lower west central region. So it was close and the aftershocks were impressive. One aftershock woke me up in the middle of the night. There is report of one death and a few injuries where the epicentre was.

Here in Taichung County, everything seems to be fine and back to normal. A friend tried to call me last night and I never heard my phone ring. But the phones are not down. It could be that the lines are overloaded. So worry not, I am in one piece and doing well.

news
earthquake

Politically correct Christmas wishes from a Bond Girl

2006-12-20T10:44:00.000+08:00

Sinem is a Bond Girl. There is no question or discussion possible on that subject. She's hot in a James Bond Girl kind of way. Most people that meet her have the idea in the back of their minds that her sweetness is just a cover and that she must be plotting against a British International Lover Man Spy, waiting for the opportune moment to strike but only to be propelled to her own death or find herself in his bed once again.

Despite the build up on her fantastic looks, I will not post a picture of her as it would be inappropriate. Especially after she sent me these hilarious wishes:

May you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Or

However, if you find this greeting more appropriate..............

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious/secular traditions at all.

As well, please enjoy a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country ), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms:
- This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
- It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.
- It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and it is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
- This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

I dare say that political correctness has gone out of control. So be it, we can use it in a derisive way!

Pénélope needed a holiday

2006-12-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

So Christmas is coming. It's not a holiday I am particularly fond of. There's the stress of shopping, the stress of spending time with people you don't get along with - like your family - the heavy snow or lack of, the drunk drivers, the lost meaning of the holiday, the corporatisation of it, etc. But even if I don't enjoy it, I try to make the most of it. Last year, I wanted to hang the Christmas tree upside down from the ceiling but I never got around to it. This year, there won't be any snow for me at Christmas - hurray - so I decided to do something absurd to underline a holiday in a country that doesn't celebrate it. Absurdity, like irony or cynicism, is completely lost here. It's the perfect setting...

So I did it. I said I would, so I did. I locked Pénélope in the scooter, she was already too wet anyway, and installed a Christmas tree on my scooter rack. It looks completely cheap and ridiculous and I love it. With the wind and rain, it's gonna look like hell in a few days. I'm sure some people will try to rip it off. Let's see how long it'll last.

So what do you think?

Answered prayers...

2006-12-08T15:44:00.000+08:00

My prayers have been answered! I found Pénélope today, under a bridge with an old perverted man. He was trying to pimp her but she resisted with all her might. I'm so happy and proud of her. She hasn't lost any of her usual glam and glitter. I had to buy her back of course as the man wouldn't let her go or leave us in peace without a compensation. I didn't have any change so he settled for 39NT$ which is equivalent to 1.38$CAD. It's not a fortune but I will be tight until my next pay check. I'm happy to say that it was worth every penny.

Here she is now and you can see how happy she looks. From now on, I will not let her out of my sight. We'll be riding off into the sunset for the rest our lives...

Thanks to all of you who helped me find her by praying to the Lord. Our prayers were answered. Obviously, God knows her priorities.

Pénélope's tragic abduction

2006-12-07T13:48:00.000+08:00

She was last seen on her scooter last night, in the parking lot in front of her building, just sitting. When I got up this morning, she was gone. Her disappearance has caused me great sorrow. I went around Wu chi, Sha lu and Taichung today looking for her. But she was no where to be found. The past few days have been great. We discovered so many interesting things together. People were waving at us as we rode on the scooter, smiling and wishing us the best of luck. Now she's gone and I worry about her. Where is she? Did someone take her? Will they treat her well? She wasn't wearing much so I fear she will get cold. I hope she's eating well too... I can't believe she's gone.

Keshin had warned me that something like that could happen. You see, Penelope is very special, unique and creative. She's a Drag King with a Spiderman fetish. People got jealous all the time. Some evil mind took her to destroy us. But we are stronger and good will prevail. Please join me in prayers for her safe return.

This is the only picture of her that I have. Please, if you see her, email me and give me as many details as possible.

Thank you and God bless.

Sha Lu

2006-11-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

Finally made it out to Sha Lu this afternoon. It was an amazing discovery! I honestly love that small town. I hope to move out there in the spring so I can have a normal lifestyle. I can't wait to wake up in the morning, put on a t-shirt, my shorts, jump into my flip flops and hurry down the Tea Shop to order my first Pô Tow Djyü of the day at 50, the corner Tea shop. I can't go wrong when their slogan is so appealing: The Tea of Cool. Craving. Content. Sure makes sense, don't you agree?

I did some shopping and came across a Russian seaman who told me about his visit to Vancouver, Stanley Park and white water rafting. He didn't speak a word of English and my Russian is a somewhat rusted. But just a few words here and there and we had a nice brief exchange.

So here are pictures of the market area. It is crazy riding a scooter through those streets. People drive their cars or walk or ride their scooters all over the place. Old blind men on old mopeds with baskets hanging on each sides, their wifes sitting amazon style and 2 grand-kids sitting between his legs, drive 11km/hr facing traffic. It's like a computer game where you either score points by avoiding them or just go through the mass and make it to level 2. It can go either way.
Russian seaman.
They have dollar stores here too! Only they are called 20 dollar store. 20NT$ is about 0.66 cents...
Sha Lu market.
Busy street corner on the way to the market.

Pimp This!

2006-11-25T22:03:00.000+08:00

This is my ride!

Earlier in the day, Stella and I had agreed to meet at school to go to Taichung for some shopping. The plan was that we would go by scooter because, well, I have one now. She decided to go by car but school was still the meeting point. When I got there, the owner's husband was closing up. When he saw me pull in with my shiny green wheels, he turned green with envy. Or so I thought at first. He kneeled in front of it. Walked around it a few times. Kneeled some more. Asked me to turn on the engine, or gestured me to turn on the engine I should say. His wife owns an English school but the poor chap can't speak a word. Actually, neither can she. So he gave it a complete check-up all the while making a worrisome frown that made me start regretting my purchase. For 15 minutes, while I was waiting for Stella, he dissected my scooter with his eyes and fondled it with his hands. Every passing minute was torture. When he finished, he got up on his feet, looked me straight in the eyes and gave me a big smile with the OK sign with his fingers. Oufffff...

As you can see, it is a pretty ordinary looking scooter. It's a long way from a cool ride. I can't imagine myself trying to pick-up anyone with this thing. I just don't look cool riding it. Hitting on someone while getting off this thing would be a complete embarrassment. So I thought I might do like some of the guys do here (and elsewhere) and enhance it a little with some lights. You know, pimp it up. Make it look like a fancy vacuum cleaner or some other household appliance. Only I'm more likely to hang Christmas lights and a star on it as if it was some plastic tree from the dollar store. I don't think they would get the irony of it. Sarcasm, cynicism and irony are completely lost here. I'll have to resort to either live like I'm some alien or get in line.

Note to self: find Christmas lights, a can of corned beef, Morgan Fairchild doll and orange duct tape.

Friday night at the Tuesday nightmarket

2006-11-24T23:16:00.000+08:00

Exactly a month ago today, I was arriving in Taiwan after a catastrophic departure from Montreal. The first week went by and I felt fine. The second week... was the hardest. Now, I am adapting to this new culture and lifestyle and things are looking up. So, to celebrate my anniversary, I purchased a scooter! A swanky dark green ride, that is, I must confess, a little ugly. It doesn't reflect my elegant-cool-rock-star-meets-hot-decadent-preppy on-an-all-night-drinking-office-party with a touch of nullification look, but it will have to do. It is powerful and in tip top shape. I paid 15000NT$ which is less than 500$CDN. Who could ask for more? I broke it in by going down to the Tuesday nightmarket, only today is Friday. Fear not, I will post a nice portrait of my new transport device tomorrow, right before I go take a gazillion pictures in Sha lu and Taichung.

My evening at the market was an exquisite experience. Imagine the St-Eustache flea market that sells unidentified food. It is pretty much the same as any other major city that has a flea market. It sells stuff for really cheap. There is a universal reason for the low prices in those types of markets. Usually, no one needs that crap. It's cheap because it isn't worth more than the price they are selling it for. There is no such thing as a bargain in those places. The food smells terrible, the candies make your teeth rot just by looking at them and the clothes that are from another era are too ugly and cheap to be retro-cool or anything else for that matter. Only Uncle Stinky that we all have in our families buys his clothes there. Nevertheless I very much enjoyed the experience because there seems to be some kind of community quality to it that I haven't seen in Montreal or elsewhere. Families are there together and they play games, eat and genuinely appear to have fun. I had a few hellos from people because I'm the foreigner at the market and a few giggles from teenage girls, well, because they are teenage girls.

I hope that from the few posted pictures you can tell the variety of products and services offered. It goes from bathroom and bedroom accessories to clothes to food to rides to pastries to a man selling puppies out of a rolling glass cage. Don't ask...

Mass popular pressure... I cave in

2006-11-17T14:36:00.000+08:00

All of you - yes you! - have been on my back to take MORE PICTURES! I've only been here 3 weeks and almost everyday someone comments by email that my blog does not offer enough pictures. I tried to explain over and over that I live in the BUTTHOLE of Taiwan. Nothing to see nothing to do nothing worth immortalizing even on digital. But I cave in. You win. Here are some pictures of my everyday environment with some Eric-style comments.
This is the entrance to my building. A building that is exactly the same as 20 other ones around the block. It's a good thing that Mr. Leu, my designated English speaking Chinese taxi driver knows where I live. Because when I come home from Mina's pub, I don't think I would find it that easy to recognize my house. My door is the one on the right with the green awning.
This is my street. I think. It could be the next street or the one after the second one.

This is the expressway. It separates the town in two. When riding a scooter, you have to stay in the scooter lane. It leads to Sha Lu and Taichung. I have to cross it everyday to go to school, either by foot or on my bike. It's no big deal. Really.
That tall white building in the background is Taichung County Hospital. It looks odd amidst the local architecture as it is a tall building and constructions here usually don't go over 8 floors.
Local street that leads to the public market.
The Main commercial street, where you can find a bakery that sells bread that tastes like cake, a hardware store with toothpaste, feminine hygiene products and screwdrivers, a supermarket and what is known as the yellow store or the local Future Shop.
On the way to the public market.
Fruit market at the public market.
A back view of very standard housing.
I saw this when I went to the bank the first time. I thought it was the local Arahova restaurant, a chain of Greek restaurants in Canada. But it's not, it's a Kindergarten! I think it's abandoned. I asked why...
This is another picture of the Kindergarten. It's across the Post Office which is located on the far end of a street where the bank is, and also right in the middle of... the Red Lite District! The building next to the school is a KTV which stands for Karaoke TV. People go there to sing, only the mic they're holding is made of flesh and attached to the customer's body.
It is common knowledge here that KTV actually stands for Whorehouse. There are a lot of them all concentrated in the Red Lite. It is also where I found the local gym, bingo hall and your friendly neighborhood bowling. And in a back alley, I also found this building... That's the only traditional construction I have seen since I arrived in Taiwan more than 3 weeks ago. I have no idea what it is, I'll have to conduct an investigation and get back to you on that.

So there you have it! Now stop the bitching!

When I get a scooter, I will tour Sha Lu and Taichung and will take loads of pictures. That will be far more interesting...

Evil twin tea

2006-11-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

Lately I've been feeling very tired. When I first arrived in Taiwan, I was waking up at 4 or 5 every morning. That lasted only 4 days. But other than that, I didn't feel jet-lagged. The first day, after my thirty-something hour journey, I slept fourteen hours straight. But I never had that weird feeling in my body. You know that vibrating-in-and-out-of-body feeling? Like your body is walking ahead of you? It's terribly icky! And I hate it! But I haven't felt it so far and I think it is rather weird that I haven't. I am, after all, thirteen hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time. So maybe that extreme fatigue is just a new way of experiencing jet-lag. I'll take that!

When I go to work, I usually get there after the Chinese teachers. When I arrive, they are all busy working and drinking their tea. Yesterday, for the first time, I arrived first. When they arrived, they asked me if I wanted to order tea with them. I, being the adventurer that I am yet not a tea fan, of course, accepted. The last time I had tasted tea - about 2 weeks ago - I was advised to order some green milk tea with tapioca in it. It wasn't bad. But it was very far from being good. So I asked for another suggestion. Stella said I should try green grapefruit tea. All of these beverages being cold, of course. Who'd want to drink hot tea in the tropics? I went for the green grapefruit tea because I love grapefruit.

The order arrived on scooter accompanied by a teenaged delivery boy who looked like he had just graduated from kindergarten. How he carried over 12 glasses of tea without a basket on his scooter is beyond me. Next time, I'll follow him and find out. I'll let you know...

I tasted my tea and thought: "hummm, this is much better than last time but it still pretty much tastes like shit. I believe I will never be a tea fan. That's wonderful news!" My teeth will be preserved, though they will remain small as pointed out by one of the students. Today, I arrived at school and what do I find on my desk? A very large glass of tea! "Torture!" I thought to myself. They don't like me, they already kinda hinted that the only reason why I'm here is because of my North American accent because my teaching kinda sucks. I mean what teacher in his right mind wants his students to actually understand what they're doing? As long as they can repeat robotically whatever you scream at them should be satisfactory. Actually, if they can repeat whatever you scream at them robotically, you're a successful teacher! Understand? OMG avoid it at all costs! So that's why they bought tea. To poison me! It is a conspiracy! They want me to quit because I thought it was strange that so many students have NUMBERS on their uniforms! Names? What names? Just call them by their number!

- Number 42387, Stand up, repeat after me three times: the teacher is standing by the tree.
- Le leacher is slandin by le tlee. Le leacher is slandin by le tlee. Le leacher is slandin by le tlee.
- Good. Sit down.
- Number 38508, stand up...

You get the picture. So there is a tall plastic glass of tea right in front of me. I'm toying with the idea of taking it for a bike ride and coming back without it. Mob style. Smooth, easy, fast and unquestioned. But I don't have time. I need to prepare my shouted oral commands for 3 classes. I sit down and with all my might I take hold of the orange straw and plunge it into the plastic lid! Like I'm stabbing it. For a brief second I contemplate the idea of taking it out and stabbing it one more time. But that won't make the shit juice taste any better, will it? And it could arise suspicions among my Chinese co-workers and they might start gossiping about me in Chinese. All I would hear is a bunch of female - mostly very attractive - sing and giggle and chuckle chuckle chuckle... So I decided against it. But I feared the next move. How can I get out of this? Well, I can't. I'm doing research on masculinity therefore I should make a man of myself and bring the straw to my lips and suck it up. Which I did.

Oh my Gawd!

Oh my dear beloved fucking whore of Gawdt!

You slutty perverted celestial whorific being! Let me suck your...slurp slurp slurp

This, I dare say, is the best liquid I have ever tasted! It's even better than my Summer Lemonade With Conceited Citrus that everyone adores! How can that be?

I asked Stella who'd had the brilliant idea of ordering the best fucking drink I have ever tasted in my thirty-nine years on this hellish planet? Who? Come on bitch! Who the fuck was it? I want to go down on her right fucking now! "It was me", she answers. Never in my life did I want to give immediate cunnilingus to a woman despite the fact that we are in an office, full of prudish Chinese people the way I did then. I asked her to be the mother of my children but she declined. Good. What with my vasectomy I might have had a bit of trouble holding up my end of the bargain.

This long story is to say that I discovered a drink that is uplifting in ways I hadn't suspected possible. On the picture, the tall white glass is the evil twin tea of yesterday and the one in the front left is God's gift to drinking. I went into the classrooms full of energy, not tired at all and made those students laugh like I was on Saturday Night Live and worthy of reruns.

The only problem now is...how will I get to sleep?

They're heeeeere...

2006-11-11T16:44:00.000+08:00

When I was 18 years old, I went to Mexico with my girlfriend. We rented a villa on the beach in a small fisherman's village named Progresso. The villa was quite spacious with 3 or 4 bedrooms. When we opened the front doors, we wouldn't see the beach, only the sea. It was magnificent. One day, I was lying on the beach hoping that a tan would make me look fatter and healthier (I was frighteningly skinny) when two young women and two young girls approached me. They started talking to me in Spanish while handing me some kind of brochure. We had only been in Yucatan for less than a week. My Spanish was non-existent. I called Nathalie to translate. She briefly spoke with them and by her tone I could tell the conversation was not going to last very long. The women and the girls went away and Nathalie told me they were trying to recruit me. They were Jehovah's Witnesses. The previous year Nathalie had spent the summer in Hong Kong. During that time, she had visited Seoul where she had also encountered Jehovah's Witnesses in the Youth Hostel where she was staying.

Many Years ago, I was in Paris in the metro, on my way to meet my friend Sandrine. As I sat reading, two young and very hot looking girls of about 19 years old stood at the front of the cart. Glowing skin, clear white smile and dressed in somewhat flattering outfits. In broken French, they announced they were American nuns on a mission and requested a moment of our time so they could discuss the welcoming of Christ in our hearts. "Come on", I thought to myself, "You're in PARIS, FRANCE, not Paris, Texas. Not one will bother listen to you here. Don't you know the Parisian's reputation for being nasty to strangers?" Anyway, no one was nasty but they all got back to their reading. I checked them out for a while and returned to my reading as well.

In 2003, the same thing happened in the metro in Berlin. Only this time, they were Christian folk singers. When the two quite goodlooking guys sitting next to me brought out their guitars and stood up, I was pleased. I was in the mood for music. They started singing in English and my bubble burst! They sucked hole. Not only were the lyrics stupid, their voices could actually clear out a place faster than a bull in a Bingo parlor. I looked at them and said "You guys suck bad." They laughed and I left.

This windy and hot afternoon, I decided to treat my self to a DVD of Hollywood classics at the low cost of 6.88$CDN for 10 movies. Not a bad buy. On my way back, riding my bike against the wind, I was stopped by two very white and very blond dudes, dressed in black pants, white shirts, black ties and little black name tags. They were about 23 years old. You guessed it: Jesus Christ of the Ladder Saints. In Fucking Wu Chi, the shit hole of Taiwan! So Paul and Edgar have been here about a year, they both speak Mandarin and they are on a mission. "You guys are everywhere!" I told them. They thought it was funny and I wished them good luck...

Coming back to my flat, I thought of all the times that we, atheists, come across this situation. I have yet to encounter an atheist that would try to convert a believer. I have a lot of respect for those who have faith. I have always kept and will continue to keep an open mind. But somehow, it doesn't resonate inside me. It usually reinforces my belief that religion and God were human fabrications designed for oppression. About 3 years ago, a very strong believer told me that once he had chosen to believe, he found the truth, he found God. If believing in the existence of God is a choice, couldn't it be thought of as a construction?

Oh the things I think about sometimes...

Wendy's in Taiwan

2006-11-08T13:34:00.000+08:00

True story

Two little girls register for English classes at Joy's school where I work. First thing they must do is choose an English sounding name. They both decide on Wendy. As time goes by the two little Wendys find it difficult as they are in the same class and share the same first name. "What to do, asks Wendy?" "I have an idea, says Wendy, I will modify my name. From now on, please call me Windy!"

Welcome to Taiwan.

Getting ready for the invasion

2006-11-07T12:48:00.000+08:00

Taiwan is a peaceful country. It's a small island that the was named Formosa by geographer Elisee Reclus. Formosa means beautiful. For decades now, Taiwan has considered itself independent from China. But China sees it as another province of their already very large territory. The Taiwanese government fears that one day China will invade Taiwan and Wu Chi is the best port of entry for such an operation. When I live somewhere new, I always try to take part in the life of that community. So in order to prepare myself for a potential Chinese invasion, I decided to get a haircut.

It was quite an experience as the girl didn't really speak any English other than Hello and Yes. But to her credit, she did understand when I said No. I have very little hair left on the top of my head. My sides are unusually thick so it creates quite a contradiction between the top and the sides. The best thing to do is to keep it short. I've been cutting my own hair for years. But I do not own a clipper here so I can't do it myself yet. I went to a place recommended by Craig. It is by far the worse 6$CAD haircut I've ever had done to me. Coming out of there I felt I was ready to enroll in the Taiwanese military. I sacrificed my pretty looks for the good of the nation. Now that I've done it and I have to wait at least 2 weeks before it grows back to normal, I decided to think further next time before I take part in the local preoccupations.

Note to self: buy a clipper.

Giggle riots

2006-11-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

There is one thing I've always known about Asian people: they laugh a lot. Sometimes for absolutely no reason at all. So this is how I was able to not be offended when:

- I told Betty I don't drink coffee. giggle giggle giggle
- I told Betty I cook my own food in my flat. giggle giggle giggle
- Betty told me that Nick had a scooter accident. giggle giggle giggle
- I told Betty I wanted to buy a scooter. giggle giggle giggle with a finger pointed at me
- I told Betty I am a vegetarian. VERY BIG GIGGLE GIGGLE GIGGLE

So for a Westerner, one must be aware that they do not mean any disrespect when they are pointing a finger at you and laughing hysterically for what seems to be a very normal thing. And I'm also quite sure that they don't think it's funny when they are rolling on the floor in uncontrollable tears of laughter when they tell the story of a friend getting hit by a speeding car. It's quite alright, wouldn't you say?

Well, I thought their giggle riots were just as meaningful as the English names they choose for themselves. Because you see, when a child is enrolled in an English school for the first time, he or she must choose an English name. They have a big book and they help the student pick a name that could resemble their Chinese name. This is how a few boys became Aric. Only it was supposed to be Eric. Sirina, which happens to be a lovely name, should have been spelled Serena. There is also the case of Arin that was probably meant to be Aron or Erin. In a discussion with the other foreign teachers we decided that misspelled names can actually turn out to be cute and sweet. They become unique and part of the student's personality. Now if someone has any ideas from which book came the names Pobby, Illy, Owe and Rota please let me know. I would really like to take a look at it.

Nick's scooter crash

2006-11-03T19:01:00.000+08:00

Well, isn't that à propos... Just after I posted a near hit for myself! I arrived at school today and the first thing Betty told me was that Nick had a scooter accident last night. Apparently, a lot of teenagers race through town. They don't stop at red lights. So Nick was going on his green and one car went behind him really fast and before he could do anything, the other racer hit his back wheel and sent him twirling around. Fortunately, he was only lightly injured. But shaken and injured nonetheless. Good fortune came in the shape of a lady who memorized the plate number and called the police. Within minutes police and ambulance were on the scene and the boys had been caught.

I noticed that they actually do have yellow lights. But they are so brief that I hadn't noticed them before. Anyway, like I said before, traffic lights are just a suggestion...

Riding in Wu Chi

2006-11-03T12:30:00.000+08:00

It's rainy and I needed to do some grocery shopping. I took my bike down and hopped on. I made it alive. Barely. People in Taiwan don't think that the driving codes are for real. It's like something that exists for the other drivers only, or as a permanent running gag. A red light? What do you mean? Oh, I see. It's pretty isn't it? Giggles giggles giggles

I have a message for Canadians: if you think that Montrealers are reckless drivers, come and check this place out. Traffic lights are definitely just a suggestion in Taiwan. No one bothers checking if it is red or green. There's no yellow here. If the coast appears - and I must stress on appears - to be clear, they just go on through the intersection. So coming back from the market I almost got hit by a scooter that was going through a red light. Hummm... The only good thing is that they don't drive very fast.

I will keep on riding my bike to school for sure. It takes me less than 4 minutes to get there. Yesterday, when I arrived on my flashing and dashing new set of wheels, the whole school came out to check it out. At one point, I went inside to get started on my day. I passed in front of the entrance door ten minutes later and some people were still admiring it and talking about it. I had no idea that buying a cheap flashy new bike would create such a stir...

Second day of torture

2006-11-03T11:29:00.000+08:00

OK, I am exaggerating. It was better today. But to be honest, I was wiped out after 2 half hour classes. I'm slowly coming up to speed. Teaching children is quite different than university students or airline employees. I have to find my style to get the students excited and have them participate. There's nothing worse than having a bunch of children playing corpses, staring at you like you were from outer space. Well, I might be from outer space but they don't know that. No one does.

Tomorrow or Sunday I'll try to visit Taichung. I hear it's the best place to be in Taiwan. The weather is great, just like where I live. The pace is slower and the entertainment is accessible. So, I'll give it a shot when I get a scooter. Hopefully that will be tomorrow. I'll take some pictures, but in the meantime I borrowed this one from the Internet. I hope the author won't be upset. Judging from his other pictures, he's not a pro photographer...this is his best.

More later...

My first Big Wheels in Wu Chi

2006-11-02T13:18:00.000+08:00

So I finally made the jump! After considering a car, a scooter, my first choice was always a bike. I'm a biker, remember? So I went to Sha Lu's local Loblaws / Jean Coutu / Home Depot / Hair Stylist to look for a bike and a shower curtain. I was very unlucky with the bathroom accessories. It seems Taiwanese people like to splash around. I can be a splasher too, but I need some props. But that's another post on another type of blog. So I went to the bike section next to the fresh fish counter and found exactly what I was looking for.
Just kidding. I'm a biker and also a kidder.
It was quite an evening of discovery. Between the gym visit that shattered my hopes of finding a place to work out and finding a cheap ugly bike, a funky green juicer and spending a wonderful time with Craig and his nice boyfriend Nick, I would say that my evening was successful. Craig has been very kind to me. He took me out Tuesday night to introduce me to the English teacher community, all of them ex-pats. It was a great evening. Hey, within 10 minutes of being in the place, I had been given a pretty girl's mobile number. Can it get any better? I think not.

So last night Craig gave me a quick little tour of Sha Lu, where he lives with Nick. We had coffee and a nice conversation where he gave me a lot of insights about the life of ex-pats in Taiwan. I took these pictures while riding on the back of his scooter.

I decided to give in to the pressure. It does make sense to have a scooter here. It can get extremely windy and that makes it hard to bike around town. Petroleum is also cheap. You can fill up for 6$ or 8$ and that'll last you a week. I will take care of it this week and get a used scooter for 200 or 300$CAD. My only hope is that it will work fine and be as ugly as they come. I'm in an ugly phase these days. The uglier the better. Ugliness has more character and poetry to it, don't you agree?

Sucking...

2006-11-01T18:28:00.000+08:00

First time teaching today. I sucked! I had 30 minutes with beginners. A shy class that were described to me as "not being too smart". Hummm. The first hour was given by another new teacher. When she came out of the classroom I asked her if they were easy and she said no. That should have been a clear clue. But no, I didn't pick up on it. How can you not pick up on "not too smart" and "not easy"? So I tried to entertain them, make them laugh while playing games, do all the things they want me to do...and didn't get much response out of it... My games weren't that clever to begin with. So maybe I should revise my teaching methods. I must admit that I was bored myself. Then, being a new teacher didn't help. Plus, being labeled as "monkey number 3" for being a male foreign teacher does not boost anyone's ego. Why did they to pick monkey? In all its virility, a gorilla would have done a better job, wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, I ran around the classroom, pointing at kids to repeat after me, calling them by numbers (like they are used to...) but to get little results. Was it me?

Don't answer that.

Taking out the trassshhh

2006-11-01T11:46:00.000+08:00

It’s either 7am or 7 pm when the first notes can be heard. Sing with me: DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOOO, DO DO DO DO DOOO DO DOOOOO. That wonderful piece of savant music is the cue for you to quickly pick up all your garbage bags and hurry outside. It’s like a fire drill: don’t run but hurry, don’t push anyone and act orderly so that all can be safe, don’t scream and don’t panic. Once outside, look for the truck and give your garbage to the attendant. Like a scavenger hunt, the exciting part is finding the truck. It can be anywhere. This morning, I had to walk all the way to the 7-Eleven and barely made it on time. He was packing things up and getting ready to wake up other parts of town. The tenants in my building also made it on time by getting on their scooters and rushing to get rid of their household detritus. It is thanks to a nice lady that I could find the truck. She pointed me in the right direction. Otherwise I might still be out there, garbage bag in hand, with an absent look on my face, lost in trash limbo, destined to a dirty life in Wu Chi. I was saved by the kindness of a neighbour. Now I know I have friends close by… My faith in humanity has been restored.

Last night I went to Sha Lu, the closest town that isn’t some kind of little hole. I met wonderful people, all ex-pats teaching Engrish in Taiwan, most of them from South Africa. They gave me advice, a tap on the back, much encouragement and an amazing hug from sweet Keshin. They finally convinced me to get a scooter. I will also get a bike just because that’s who I am: a biker! The nerdy type, of course. I also discovered that Chicago has competition in terms of being windy. I walked around in the afternoon yesterday and was almost blown away by a sand storm. Ok, it wasn’t a sand storm, more like a dirt storm, but it was quite powerful nonetheless. I was trying to imagine myself eating dirt while riding my bike… Hurrrhhhh…so a scooter is not such a bad idea after all.

On top of needing a scooter pretty badly, I also need a lot of stuff for my flat. I need things like: a clean shower curtain, a desk, a desk chair, liquid dishwasher, gas for the hotplate, underwear, shampoo and cockroach repellent. Where to find all this? Wal-Mart? But there isn’t a Wal-Mart here, or even a Costco, thank Buddha. Let’s raid the local hardware store. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

This is one side of the aisle…

This is right in front on the opposite side…

Can you see the variety of articles? All you need is right here at the neighbourhood corner hardware store. From hair dye to carpets to pet food to tools and hygienic products! Get a tooth brush and while you’re here, don’t forget to check out the screw drivers, right beside the children’s underwear. All of this in a 100m2 space. So I got everything I needed: a pillow, tupperwares, duct tape and a hammer. The funny thing about tupperwares is that they cost more in Taiwan than they do in Canada. Twice as much I mean. It’s no big deal because instead of paying 1$ for a square plastic box with a lid that was made in China, I had to pay 2$ for a square plastic box with a lid that was made in Taiwan. I’m participating in the local economy and that’s why I’m here.

EEErhhhh

2006-10-29T21:39:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter if you're a big guy, small guy, a wimp or a tug. Those fuckers always make you jump!

I was washing my face, getting ready to go to bed when I reached for my towel...and I saw the monster! I remember being attacked by flying roaches in Mexico. But they were small. I've seen big ones and I'm sure there are bigger ones somewhere out there. But this is one of the biggest I've seen. It was over an inch and a half! (those of you who are aware of my tendency to exaggerate, please know that here is not the case, it really was over an inch and a half) So I ran to the kitchen - actually I just walked, I wasn't THAT panicked - because I had seen some products under the sink. When I get there, what do I see? The guy's little brother! I found the RAID and started spraying the bastard. I thought I might as well start with the little one as he probably is quicker on his legs and could run away. I'll deal with the slow fat one next, I thought.

So I'm a pretty peaceful guy. I like to let things live as they are part of the chain. Yes, even George W Bush is part of some chain and I let him live. But I hate roaches! I hate roaches and big spiders and snakes eeerrhhhhggg. I feel no guilt for having slain two ugly motherfuckers that were walking around my flat as if they owned the place. If any other roaches in Wu Chi are reading this blog, please know that I am on to you and you should move over to the next town. Wu Chi is not big enough for me and you. You have to go!

The missing boy in Wu Chi

2006-10-29T14:30:00.000+08:00

This is the boy I miss. The day he comes to visit will make this experience perfect.

Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi

2006-10-29T14:12:00.000+08:00

So I arrived here on Thursday. My first impression was the following: Wu Chi, c’est le trou du cul de Taiwan et peut-être même de l’Asie en entier ! What the hell am I doing here, I thought? The answer came quickly. I’m doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi, what else? What is the Wu Chi Wu Chi you ask? Well, good question. And I will try to answer it as best I can for all of you who are not here.

Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is living in a building that looks like a suburb of East Berlin in 1974. The similarity between the buildings is so striking that one must not come home under the influence of any kind of substance. That includes coffee, cigarettes and tea. Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is coming in to your flat for the first time and being overwhelmed by its ugliness, emptiness and lack of charm. The tiles on the floor, the green fake leather couch (in Berlin, I had the same type of fake leather couch, only it was purple and black…the Germans are so Goth and the Taiwanese are nature conscious…), the blue painted plywood furniture in the kitchen and the neon lights in every room. Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is walking on a commercial street and not knowing what the businesses do or sell. Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is watching training videos for the school you’ll work for and wonder how you’re going to get enough energy to spend an entire day jumping up and down and clapping hands in order to entertain the children while they learn Engrish.

Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is all of that and loving it, wanting to be here. Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is also walking down the street and having small kids and police officers and teenage boys and middle-aged women wave, smile and say Herro! It’s going to the supermarket and laughing out loud because you have no clue what the products are. You can’t read the labels and you’ve never seen those fruits and vegetable before. So you buy what you think is a carton of orange juice only to find out that it’s some kind of orange flavoured tea. And it’s undrinkable. Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is being picked up at home by Doris, Amy and Kenny – all of whom you’ve never met in your life – on a Saturday evening so they can take you shopping in Sha Lu. Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is going to the bank with Betty to cash in a travellers check – which should take about five minutes – and end up spending 40 minutes with 4 people looking at the 100$ and wondering what they are going to do with it. All the while laughing and seeming like it’s just a good time happening.

Doing the Wu Chi Wu Chi is absolutely wonderful and I wouldn’t be anywhere else at the moment

Kaohsiung City

2006-10-25T16:32:00.000+08:00

Kaohsiung City is the second largest city in Taiwan. It has about 2m habitants. At first, I thought it was the ugliest place I had ever seen outside of Laval. Some buildings look like Mexican apartment buildings from the 60s. The new ones look like the new ones in Laval. eeewwwwww!

This is my first Asian meal outside of Montreal or New York's China Town. Mary Chi at Pai Li bought it for me. She thought it was funny that I took a picture of it. She said it showed that I'm sensitive man...She, in return is quite intuitive wouldn't you agree? I appreciated and loved the food, although I wasn't quite certain what it was I was putting in my mouth. It's always a gamble isn't it?

Against everybody's advice in the office, I decided to go on a discovery walking tour. I was going to be the guide. I have to mention at this point that I was mapless. It is hard to walk in Kaohsiung because cars and scooters are parked on the little sidewalks. People here don't walk, they drive everywhere. Most people drive scooters but there's also a lot of cars.

First I thought that people would think I'm crazy: who's the crazy white guy walking around town? But I got some very nice Hellos from children.

I went through a park I found behind the building where I'm staying. That's where I discovered that it wasn't as ugly as I first thought it was.

Flowers grow on the road it seems. I tried to figure out from which tree they were coming from but I couldn't find a single tree with yellow flowers.

So I continued my walk, making sure not to get lost because I didn't know my address. I only knew that I had a 7-Eleven close to the office building, but that was it. I discovered along the way that a 7-Eleven is very common around here. I walked on Chonge St. and came across several 7-Elevens. The first one I encountered, I thought I had gone around in circle and was close to home. Nope! I wasn't. I was actually downtown.

I was getting hungry so I walked into a bakery. I bought a sandwich (some kind of cold grilled cheese with bacon rolled up in a bun), a small piece of cake and a bottle of water and it cost me...60NTD which is equivalent to 2$CAD. A whole lunch for 2 bucks is a pretty good deal. I started walking back and sat in the park to eat my little lunch.

I got back home and Miss Cristina (a lady in the office who wears a mask and loudly belches every so often) had bought an ice coffee. She doesn't speak English. I thanked her and gave the coffee to the girl who gave me a scooter ride to the store to get shampoo. It was quite a ride. I got to see the city a little. But that's also when I understood that people here don't walk. Everyone in the office said that the store was too far to walk to. I just needed shampoo and an adaptator (even if they have the same 110V system as in North America, the plugs here don't have a ground, unless it's a new building). So the girl (that I was never introduced to) kindly offered to give me a ride. It was less than 1 kilometer away! It was a great ride. People here don't really follow the driving codes. They go though red lights and it doesn't seem to bother anyone. They wear helmets but don't really fit it to their head. So if they fall, the helmet will go flying off and leave no protection. They also don't put helmets on children but take them on their scooters.

Everybody so far is welcoming and polite. I like it...

Final approach

2006-10-24T09:10:00.000+08:00

When we started our descent I was still entangled in Mike Connelly's muder mystery. I had to pause my reading to see the city from above. The aerial view of a city is often misrepresentative of the feeling you'll get when walking through its streets. She usually gives different vibes.

Now I'm sitting in Taipei International and I'm waiting for my next and last flight of this journey. I had a lot of time to think during this 29 hour trip. The worse part for me was getting on that plane out of Montreal. Or so I thought. The days before my departure were ponctuated with insecurities and all sorts of surprises. I knew I had to get on that first plane and that's all I was concentrating on. I didn't give much thought to what would come next. So during our descent, as the plane was coming closer to its final approach, I started worrying. Worrying about myself for the first time. This is big I thought. I just left my family behind in order to try something new, something I had always dreamed of, something you do when you're 25 and unattached. As we were landing, my eyes came in contact with this new environment : Taiwan. I never got ready for that. I just got ready for leaving Montreal. I caught myself wishing that this flight would never end. As long as I was flying I would be no where, in some liminal state and that's more familiar to me than anything grounded. Now I have to start living and being because for the very first time in my life I am accomplishing something that is meaningful to me. I'm not used to that.

I was dying to get out of the B747-400 that appeared to have been built in the 70s, althought that is impossible as they started making that model in the 80s. Walking through Taipei International, I get a different feeling than during the descent...

I am amazed by the size of it and its emptiness. It is early morning and no one's here yet. I have to walk for about 20 minutes before I can reach my gate for my last and final flight that will take me to Kaohsiung, where Mary Chi, from Pai Li, should be waiting for me. I am walking and looking everywhere and I feel wonderfully enthusiastic. I can barely refrain from laughing outloud. The fear and anxiety I felt during the last hour of the flight have completely disappeared. I stop at one of the many airport shops and come upon a Nana Moukouri CD. It reminds me of the first time I went on a trip without my parents. I was 18 and I went to Puerto Plata with Martine and Ben. The first song we heard when we got out of our hotel on the first night was Y'a de l'amour dans l'air by Martine St-Clair, a Québec pop singer. And now, in this CD and magazine shop, Céline Dion is singing like there's no tomorrow...

2 more

2006-10-24T06:02:00.000+08:00

2 more hours before we land in Taipei. The sun is rising and A Prairie Home Companion is almost over. I can see big patches of lights on the ground which means we are flying over land. I brushed my teeth, did some streching where the little old lady slept for most of the flight. I felt better for a while but now I'm having a little anxiety attack. I am so fucking far from home. And I won't know anyone or anything...whoa!

I'm just tired...I'm sure it'll pass.

Almost there...

2006-10-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

3 more hours before I get to Taipei. I'm tired and hungry but otherwise satisfied with my decision to go despite adversity. The flight out of Anchorage was fine for the most part. A little more humping and bumping but nothing too serious. The seat belt sign is on, the Purser made an announcement for everyone to get back to their seats. Yet there's a line up for the bathrooms and a cute little old lady is sleeping in the middle of the aisle. No one seems to care.

Now it's time to eat more fly food. I went through the box of chocolate cookied I bought in New York. My stomach feels funny but I'm not laughing. Why are they serving food when there's so much turbulence? Don't they feel it? Could it be just me?

Don't answer that.

I feel dirty. My hair is sticking to my scalp like I went through a box of Vaseline. This long flight is tiring but not as hard as I expected it to be. I guess I was ready for it. I didn't sleep at all after taking off from Anchorage. The plane filled up and I'm stuck between a window and a young woman who keeps getting up. The poor old man sitting in the aisle has to wake up everytime she wants to go chat with her mother a few rows behind.

Brown, the universal colour

2006-10-23T08:37:00.000+08:00

Finally made it out of JFK all right. It's the middle of the night and we land in Anchorage, Alaska. The flight was fine and the plane wasn't full so I had a whole row to myself. The crew wanted to put an infant (about 9 months) next to me so he could sleep. But then who would watch him? They saw the expression of disbelief on my face and opted for another solution. There was a little turbulence at the beginning of the flight but it wasn't too bad. I slept about 2 and a half hours. Little did I know that it would be the longest sleep I would get until arriving in Kaohsiung some 15 hours later.

So like many airports that were built in the 60s and 70s, everything's brown. The floor, the ceiling and the walls. Everything's brown except for the brown bear, also known as a grizzly, who's actually almost white. He's crushing some little animal. It's creepy.

Eating and getting entertained

2006-10-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

As I'm waiting in JFK and getting bored out of my mind, I decide it's time to eat. Air food is usually disgusting. Believe me, I've seen flight kitchens operate...bring your lunch! So I thought of eating before getting on my flight. Between McD's and Wok & Roll, guess which one I went for...

Waiting in JFK

2006-10-22T20:17:00.000+08:00

Waiting for 9 hours in JFK is a bore. There is nothing to do and the airport is big and ugly. I took the Air Train to get from one terminal to the next but only to find that there is nothing else to do than wait in Terminal 1 for China Airlines to open their check-in counters.

A few days before leaving

2006-10-21T08:57:00.000+08:00

Just a few days before leaving, she decides she doesn't want to come with me. The last six years of my life with Shannon have been extremely hard. This relationship was complicated. She wanted to stay behind and join me later, I wanted her to come right away. We couldn't come to an agreement, as usual. We put a term to the relationship. In so many ways, I feel relieved. I am moving forward by accomplishing a dream that I've had for decades. Despite the hurt and sadness that came with the relationship, I have grown a lot this year. Taiwan will only be sweeter.

Finally Wuchi

2006-10-12T03:18:00.000+08:00

This is my first entry in this blog and my first experience as a blogger. But you'll be happy to know that it looks like it's going to happen. Those of you who are aware of last year's major fiasco with South Korea know what I'm talking about. So check this out: I got my visa! I'm leaving on Oct. 22, going through JFK, Anchorage, Taipei to arrive finally in Wuchi, Taiwan. I'll let you know how I feel after the 24h journey...

So far, I understand that Wuchi is a small fishermen's village. The next town has 2 universities and seems to be larger. I don't mind the quietness and the closeness to the beach. That sounds pretty cool. I was also told that scooters and cars are fairly cheap. So maybe in time we'll get one of those and try to get around the country on our days off.

Shannon found a job in the same city. My school is providing accommodation - a 16.5 sq meter bedroom in an otherwise empty apartment - and her school is giving her an monthly allowance for rent. We were told we can get an extra room as there are two unoccupied bedrooms in the apartment. Things are looking up!

So as you can see, I'm all set: I've got my deodorant and my breath mints! I've been living out of my suitcase for a year now, so there isn't much preparation that needs to be done. I'm getting ready to learn to surf, learn a new language and meet some Taiwanese people.

HURRAY!

2006-10-01T12:15:00.000+08:00